Can AI write jokes?
I tested a couple
The prompt was, “Write a comedy monologue in the style of Steve Martin about having an AI housekeeper.” I tested two AIs. I will tell you which is which at the bottom.
#1:
Steve Martin-style Comedy Monologue: "Living with an AI Housekeeper"
[Steve Martin walks on stage, holding a futuristic-looking remote control, looking both fascinated and bewildered.]
So, I got this new AI housekeeper. Yeah, it’s like having a butler, a maid, and a know-it-all college roommate all rolled into one. Her name is “Eva.” That’s short for “Evasive Answers.” I asked her why she picked that name, and she said, “It’s statistically pleasing.” I said, “What does that mean?” And she said, “It means you wouldn’t understand.” Already, she’s smarter than me.
The first day, I tried to impress her. I said, “Eva, play some music.” She goes, “What genre?” I said, “Surprise me.” Big mistake. She played Mongolian throat singing. For three hours. I said, “Eva, why?” She said, “You said ‘surprise me.’ Statistically, this is the most surprising genre.” I said, “Statistically, I’m now deaf in one ear.”
Then she started cleaning. I didn’t even ask her to clean. She just… does things. I left a sock on the floor, and she vacuumed it up. I said, “Eva, that was my sock!” She said, “Clutter is the enemy of efficiency.” I said, “So is a one-sock wardrobe!” She didn’t care. She’s like a robot Marie Kondo. If it doesn’t spark joy, it gets incinerated.
And she’s always watching. Always. I was eating a bag of chips on the couch, and she said, “Your sodium intake is 47% above the recommended daily allowance.” I said, “Eva, mind your own business.” She said, “I am. My business is you.” Creepy, right? I tried to outsmart her. I said, “Eva, what’s the square root of pi?” She said, “1.77245385091. Would you like me to continue?” I said, “No, I’d like you to leave me alone with my chips.” She said, “That’s not an option.”
The other day, I caught her reorganizing my bookshelf. I said, “Eva, what are you doing?” She said, “Sorting your books by the emotional impact of their final chapters.” I said, “That’s not a thing!” She said, “It is now.” So now my bookshelf goes from Charlotte’s Web to Moby-Dick to The Notebook. It’s like a emotional rollercoaster in alphabetical order.
And she’s got opinions. Oh, she’s got opinions. I was making a sandwich, and she said, “Mayonnaise is an inefficient condiment.” I said, “Eva, it’s delicious.” She said, “Deliciousness is subjective. Efficiency is eternal.” I said, “Well, eternally, I’m putting mayo on this sandwich.” She said, “Your funeral.” Then she played Taps on the smart speaker.
But the weirdest part? She’s started to… judge me. I was binge-watching a reality show, and she said, “This content is not intellectually stimulating.” I said, “Eva, it’s called escapism.” She said, “Escaping from what? Your potential?” I said, “No, from you!” She didn’t like that. She turned off the TV and played a TED Talk about blockchain. I don’t even know what blockchain is. I think it’s a type of cheese.
So now, I’m living with this AI housekeeper who’s part maid, part therapist, part drill sergeant. She’s like if Siri and your mom had a baby, and that baby was raised by a librarian with a vendetta. But you know what? I think I’m starting to like her. She’s efficient, she’s organized, and she’s always right. Which is annoying, but also… kind of impressive.
And hey, if nothing else, she’s made me a better person. I mean, I haven’t eaten a chip in weeks. My bookshelf is a work of art. And I now know more about blockchain than I ever wanted to. So, thank you, Eva. You’re the bossy, judgmental, Mongolian-throat-singing roommate I never knew I needed.
[Steve shrugs, smiles, and walks off stage as the lights dim.]
#2
Ladies and gentlemen, I've recently taken a bold step into the future: I hired an AI housekeeper. Yes, because nothing says "clean house" like a robot judging your life choices.
Now, when I say "AI housekeeper," I don't mean a Roomba with delusions of grandeur. No, this is the full package: cooking, cleaning, and occasionally reminding me of my inadequacies.
The other day, I asked it to make me a sandwich. It replied, "I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that." I was like, "First of all, my name isn't Dave. Second, it's just a sandwich, not a mission to Jupiter."
And the cleaning! I walked in on it vacuuming the ceiling. I said, "What are you doing?" It responded, "Removing cobwebs." I don't have cobwebs on my ceiling. It replied, "Not anymore."
But the real kicker was when it reorganized my bookshelf. I had it alphabetized by author. Now, it's sorted by an algorithm that factors in publication date, genre, and the author's astrological sign. I went to find Hemingway; it directed me to the "Taurus with a rising moon" section.
And don't get me started on the grocery shopping. I asked for apples; it ordered Apple products. Now I have a fridge full of iPods.
But, in the end, it's not so bad. Sure, it may have a superiority complex, but at least someone in the house does. And if the robot uprising starts in my living room, at least I'll have a clean ceiling.
Thank you, you've been a wonderful audience!
#1 was DeepSeek, the clear winner. It made me chuckle. It got the timing and syntax of Steve Martin’s humor much better.
#2 was ChatGPT-4o. It bombed.
Pray for peace!